1 Year! - Disclaimer

Today I celebrated 1 year sober. It only took me five and a half years to get here!

Over the last couple of months I've taken the time to write about some of my experiences in getting sober. When I started out, I was going to stay completely anonymous. I didn't want to make anyone around me uncomfortable by knowing some of the sordid details of my past. The feedback that I was getting was pretty positive, though, and I slowly moved away from being anonymous. Eventually I posted a picture and with that ended the question of anonymity. I even told my mom that I was writing about what happened in a public forum. I sent her the link and waited anxiously for her to give feedback. I heard from her last Thursday and she surprised me. She said that she was proud of me for staying sober and sharing my experience. My mom has been clean for over 3 years now. She said that she felt ashamed reading the parts that she was in, but that she has come to terms with what happened. My mom is a really cool woman. I said it before, but I'll say it again: My mom has always tried to take care of me the best way that she knows how. I'm proud of her that she can acknowledge that she feels badly for what happened, but accept that it is in the past and move on. She is a strong woman and I'm grateful to have her be a part of my life.

There are other members of my family that perhaps will not react as well as my mother to me 'putting it all out there'. If I have offended anyone or offend anyone in the future, I hope that they can forgive me. It isn't my intention to embarrass anyone or to be any more vulgar than necessary. I can only explain it like this: in the book that the 12 step fellowships are based on, it says 'we will not regret the past, nor wish to shut the door on it'. Everything that I've done and gone through in my life has lead me to the point where I am now. The good times and the bad. If I hadn't smoked crack with my mother or gone through tough times with my wife, I would not be the person that I am today. And like it or not, I am who I am. I wanted to write this stuff down so I could remember who I am and where I've been. Time has a way of changing my memories so that small things become bigger and big things become smaller. I want to remember how I got here. Because if I ever forget, I am doomed to go back. As far as doing it in such a public manner, maybe I have a little exhibitionist in me. I've always been the guy to show you the new song I learned on the guitar. Look at this as my new song. In a selfish note, I was reminded of a lot of things in trying to get most of the details. It wasn't always easy to write. In fact, sometimes it was painful and humiliating. It has been helpful to me, though. I find that I am quicker to share my experience with a friend in recovery. I'm more comfortable with who I am. In that way, I am a better asset to those friends of mine trudging the road of sobriety. I hope that readers will be willing to sacrifice a certain comfort level with me in exchange for my improved assistance with other alcoholics. And work with other alcoholics will help keep me sober.

So Thank You to anyone reading. Thank you for taking the time to read. Even if it was only because you enjoyed reading this like you enjoy a good train wreck: you just can't look away. (I'm not too proud. Attention is attention, right?) I hope you'll check back from time to time to hear the new song I'm working on.