Friday, September 19, 2008

Caribbean Dreams... and other random thoughts

Lately I've been having these daydreams where I imagine selling everything I own and moving to the Caribbean to be a beach bum. While I'm thinking about this, I'll put some steel drum music on, throw my feet up and just imagine that the office sounds I hear around me aren't existing; that it's just me, the sand, the ocean, and the sun. Having only worked at my new job for 2 weeks, my new coworkers are probably wondering 'What's with the new guy?'. Oh well. It's nothing personal against them. I'm just longing for a lack of responsibility. And a suntan.

My wife is in Seattle right now. I've been joking around with her and some of the people around me that because she is in a different area code, I'm a single man. Last night I was in with group of friends after a meeting. One girl didn't know me very well, so when I was asking everybody around me if they knew anyone I could hook up with for the weekend while my wife was out of town she got this incredulous look on her face. I had to pull her aside and tell her that the joke was in the fact that I love my wife a lot and she 'owns my soul' so I would never consider stepping out on her. Hearing that, she decided we could be friends after all. Thinking back on it, I'm pretty sure this is how rumors get started. Mental Note To Self: Not everybody enjoys a good joke about cheating on your wife....

So I have this embarrassing habit... I wake up in the middle of the night to eat sweet things like chocolate or Little Debbie's snack cakes. Sometimes I take these treats back to bed with me. I wake up the next morning with chocolate all over me and little recollection of what happened. It's awful. I'm a grown person and I wake up with a handful of mush and dirty sheets. I guess I should be glad I don't wet the bed anymore. When I woke up this morning, I was in rare form. Chocolate was everywhere and I don't remember getting up at all. Needless to say, I'll be doing laundry in the immediate future....

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Things That Are Awesome! (part 2)

In this second round of all things Awesome!, I will discuss some things near and dear to my heart. Things like hard rock, raw food, and things I like to do in my spare time.

AC-DC is Awesome! There is something that is Awesome in a very literal way about a 5 foot tall guitarist wearing a school boy uniform still rocking over 30 years later. I just think 'Wow' when I think about it. My mind can barely wrap itself around the idea of so much cool in such a small package. How cool is AC-DC? For my 16th birthday, my mom put me on a plane to visit an aunt and uncle in California. The reason for the visit? AC-DC was going to be in town on my 16th birthday. I went to the show and it is safe to say it changed my life. I came home, dragged an old guitar out of the attic, restrung it and have spent the last 12 and a half years trying to be half as cool as Angus. If I ever even attained that, I would die a happy man. Here's to you, AC-DC!

Sushi is Awesome! The only thing I don't like about sushi, is the fact that I didn't get to try it until my early 20's. I can remember being skeptical about raw food. I can also remember being skeptical about girls, so I can safely say that I had no idea what was going on at times in my life. The first birthday I celebrated with my now wife Katie, we went to eat sushi.

Ramen Noodles are Awesome! I think we all owe a debt of gratitude to the various makers of ramen noodles. What college student or culinary impaired adult would be alive if not for this staple of the less refined palates of the world? Certainly not me. I once lived for a month on a diet nearly entirely composed of Top Ramen and multivitamins. Granted I lost 15 pounds and nearly died, but I think that may have been due to my extracurricular activities around this time more than anything else. Also - I didn't ACTUALLY die, so it can't be that bad, right?

Naps are Awesome! Anybody who knows me knows that I am a small child stuck in a slightly larger child's body. I love naps. Naps are a blessing from the Good Lord. I try not to ever go more than a week without at least 1 nap. I've been warned that kids can ruin naps. This is one reason why I am trying to hold Katie off on the whole kids thing for as long as possible.

My Wife is Awesome! Just like every mother thinks their kid is the cutest thing ever, I think my wife is the Awesome! -est ever. Need proof? How about this: we're still married. She should be canonized for that. She has seen me through 2 different rehab's. Although at times she has been frustrated, she never gave up on me. She has a sense of humor and is one of the most selfless people I've ever known. On top of that is that she is hot (see picture below).

So that does it for this installment of Things That Are Awesome!. Stay tuned for more examples of why God loves us.

Friday, September 5, 2008

Ode to Football

Ahh. The end of summer. The kids are back in school. The temperature is no longer so hot you get burned walking to the mailbox. More than this, though, is the start of football season. Manly american football to be more precise. The cacophony of crowds cheering, plays being called, and men crashing into one another is music to my ears. Each year from September until the beginning of February, I have an excuse every Sunday to go hang out with my brothers while watching our favorite pasttime. It matters little to us that our team probably won't break .500 this year. What does matter is that once a week we get together to watch hours of beer, car, and movie commercials with a little football thrown in.

It's Thursdays at the beginning of the season and on Thanksgiving. It's Sundays through January. Mondays through December. And when that sad day comes in February when football season ends, we go back into hibernation. We spend 6 months making up with our families for having ignored them 1 day a week for the last 5 months. Inside, though, we're waiting. We're keeping posted on the draft and on training camp. We're doing research for our fantasy football teams. We're secretly hoping Tom Brady decides to give ballet a try, lest he destroy our team again this year.

Football is about coming together and enjoying the time we have. It's about teamwork and camaraderie, not taunting and childishness. It's about tradition, not holding out for more money. Don't cry to me because someone is being mean to your quarterback. If you're going to cash your paycheck, then shut up and act like a man.

Football is tailgating and barbecues. It's brats, steak, and beer (if you're so inclined); not quiche or salad. Football is machismo. It is manliness personified. Feminists beware. Don't be confused, though. Football is not exclusive. Anyone is invited. All you need is a TV. And some brothers.

Thursday, September 4, 2008

Any Ideas?

Whoever invented bringing flowers home to your wife is a wise man. Anybody that remembers to do it when they're not in the doghouse is a genius. Add me to that list. Last night I brought the wife some flowers and a couple of games for her game boy out of the blue. She probably told me 10 times how happy she was. She also said something slightly disturbing to me. She said 'You haven't brought me flowers since we were dating'. We're not an old married couple or anything, but we're not exactly newlyweds either. God willing, we'll celebrate 3 years next month. What she was saying to me is that I haven't brought flowers to her in 3 years. YEARS!

That got me thinking (yeah, I know: bad idea); I'm either doing something right by bringing flowers so infrequently or I've got to step it up in the old romance department. Don't misunderstand me, I'm not talking about sex. I'm talking about all of the stuff that seemed fun when we first started dating. Stuff that seems like a waste of time now. Stuff like going for walks out of the blue or ...actually, I can't really think of a lot of things that would apply now. Her visiting me in rehab doesn't go over as smoothly as it used to. What do people do that is romantic that doesn't involve detoxing from alcohol? If any of you have any ideas, please let me know. If my wife is that happy over a bunch of flowers and some games, I've got to be doing something wrong. I'm clueless. In fact I'm starting to wonder what it was that I did or said that tricked the wife into marrying me in the first place. Did I used to be more spontaneous and it went away? My idea of a good time now is to sit at home on the couch watching a movie or tv show with the wife and cats. That couldn't be what charmed the pants off of Katie, could it? (if you're reading this Mom, pay no attention to the wording of that last sentence - it's just a saying) So anyways, if anybody has any ideas on how to charm the pants off of my wife once again please let me know.