28! or Things I Know

The other day I woke up and realized that I'm 28. It scared me. When my mom was my age, she was getting married for the 2nd time. She had a 7 year old kid. Lots of people I know that are my age are college educated with good jobs and families and houses. I still think of myself as a kid in my own head. It helps that I look like a kid and hang out with old guys all the time, but holy crap I'm an adult and I just realized it!!! I feel like I've been in a coma and just woke up. When I was a kid, 28 year old's were Big People. They were responsible and took care of business. Now that I'm a 28 year old, I realize that the 28 year old's of 20 years ago were clueless. They didn't know what was going to happen. I know this because I'm 28 now and I don't know what's going to happen. I think I knew more stuff when I was 19 than I know now. The more I learn, the more I realize I don't know. Here is a list of things I know:

* The government is always going to take their share from my paycheck. If I get a $2,000 a year raise, I know that I will really only get a $1,500 raise.

* I can't drink alcohol normally. I've been in an ambulance so many times, they should give me a punch card so I can get my next ride free.

* Change is the only constant. I believe it was a wise prophet who once said 'The more things change, the more they stay the same'. ( A wise prophet, or the singer of the band Cinderella. I forget which one)

* It is virtually impossible to shout something in public and sound intelligent. If you doubt this, I challenge you to go into a mall and shout something you feel sounds smart. 'A squared plus B squared equals C squared' sounds no more intelligent than 'Hey everybody, check out the rack on that Betty over there!' when spoken at top volume. Trust me on this.

* There are certain things you never bring up around other people unless you want a fight. Here are a few: religion, politics, and the size of someone's butt and how it may or may not look in a pair of jeans (note: this mainly applies when speaking to women).

I think that's pretty much it. On a parallel note, here are things I know about women:

* _

Now that I think about it, though, maybe that's why girls like guys that are self confident. Girls don't have any more idea what's going to happen than I do. They want someone that seems to know what's going to happen. Nobody really knows, though. That's one thing that I do know.