Lately I've been having these daydreams where I imagine selling everything I own and moving to the Caribbean to be a beach bum. While I'm thinking about this, I'll put some steel drum music on, throw my feet up and just imagine that the office sounds I hear around me aren't existing; that it's just me, the sand, the ocean, and the sun. Having only worked at my new job for 2 weeks, my new coworkers are probably wondering 'What's with the new guy?'. Oh well. It's nothing personal against them. I'm just longing for a lack of responsibility. And a suntan.
My wife is in Seattle right now. I've been joking around with her and some of the people around me that because she is in a different area code, I'm a single man. Last night I was in with group of friends after a meeting. One girl didn't know me very well, so when I was asking everybody around me if they knew anyone I could hook up with for the weekend while my wife was out of town she got this incredulous look on her face. I had to pull her aside and tell her that the joke was in the fact that I love my wife a lot and she 'owns my soul' so I would never consider stepping out on her. Hearing that, she decided we could be friends after all. Thinking back on it, I'm pretty sure this is how rumors get started. Mental Note To Self: Not everybody enjoys a good joke about cheating on your wife....
So I have this embarrassing habit... I wake up in the middle of the night to eat sweet things like chocolate or Little Debbie's snack cakes. Sometimes I take these treats back to bed with me. I wake up the next morning with chocolate all over me and little recollection of what happened. It's awful. I'm a grown person and I wake up with a handful of mush and dirty sheets. I guess I should be glad I don't wet the bed anymore. When I woke up this morning, I was in rare form. Chocolate was everywhere and I don't remember getting up at all. Needless to say, I'll be doing laundry in the immediate future....
7 comments:
Another Mental Note to Self: If they don't appear amused at comments regarding adultery, don't joke about pimping out your own wife in exchange for a Netflix Subscription Upgrade.
I've been there.
yeah, but did you get the upgrade? I'm not judging, just asking :)
You always do look better with a little sun on your skin! :) Sure hope you surviving the new job. I know it will never be as cool as hanging out at ES especially with all of those awesome things you got to do there and all the cool people you got to talk to! KIT- miss hanging with ya.
What's even better is knowing that joking about stepping out on Katie would make KATIE laugh! :)
She just rolls her eyes at me. What I think is happening is that my jokes are so awesome, she is literally overcome by the power of them. She can't even speak, so she rolls her eyes to communicate 'You're a God' to me. ;)
HAHA!
No, I think what Jess said is right. I think my poop jokes are better :) j/k
I would love to join you in your Caribbean move, though. If it's ok that your wife joins you!
I wish my name were "Upgrade"
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